Deep Conversations

One of the things I treasure the most about the human experience,

are long, deep conversations with kindred deep souls.

~Nicole Johnston

Vulnerability takes Great Courage

Are you Caught in The Shame Cycle?

What is The Shame Cycle?

How do you Avoid falling into The Shame Cycle

and Utilize your Mistakes as Positive Lessons?

                ~Nicole Johnston

Reflecting vs. Dwelling

Our Life Journey: Sometimes We Need to Go Back, to Move Forward…

Ignoring or being in denial of our problems, will not lead us to success in life, because we will just become stuck where we are, feeling unfulfilled. This will lead to feelings of unhappiness, regret, and low self worth.

We have to reflect, talk about, and deal with our traumatic experiences, in order to successfully continue on, in our life journey.

Think about it this way for a moment:

 It’s kind of like needing to pick up some important items from the grocery store…..we might get half way there, and realize, “Oh no, we have forgotten not only our shopping list back at the house, but our wallet too!”   

If we are going to accomplish our goal of collecting everything we need, we have to take the time to turn around, and retrieve the much needed wallet and list, and then, continue patiently on our journey to go back to the market, so we can successfully accomplish the task of gathering the items we need.

If instead, we decide,  “it’s too much trouble to go back home,”  and continue on our way to the grocery store without our necessary tools (the list and wallet), we might get to look longingly at what we want to buy, but we are unable to purchase the required items, and fall short of completing our objective.

Or if we choose to forget the grocery store and we just give up and go back home, while saying to ourselves, “They probably won’t even have what we need anyway, so there is no point in going,”  we will fail to accomplish our task, and most likely, regret that decision, and be unhappy. 

 Sometimes in Life, we have to Go Back, 

to Move Forward. 

~Nicole Johnston

Before We Judge Others…

If we feel the urge to judge others, make sure it is based on who they are in the present, and not who they were before they grew.

It’s important to remember, we haven’t experienced their unique life journey. No matter how much we might think we know who they are, we haven’t walked in their shoes…..

 

 

Personal Affirmations…Yes, lol, They do Actually Work!

Facing The Truth

I think we all have dealt with people who refuse to acknowledge when toxic chaos is right in front of them….it isn’t that they are blind to it, they just refuse to look at it.

TOXIC and DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES/INDIVIDUALS IN DENIAL:

Holding on to a false reality (an illusion of “normalcy” ) is incredibly common in dysfunctional families. I hadn’t realized how common, until I opened up about my personal experiences, and shared with others, who have been in similar circumstances. It doesn’t matter what the dysfunction, or toxic environment is, the story has been the same. These dysfunctional families are so ashamed of their secrets and imperfections, they minimize them, or just flat out pretend the issues don’t exist…so the dysfunction continues to cycle generation, after generation.

CHALLENGING TOXIC INDIVIDUALS TO FACE THE TRUTH:

If  you invite these dysfunctional family members to really look at the issues, and acknowledge your concerns, they usually become defensive, afraid, combative, and will minimize or deny the issue. Many times, they will quickly attack you for even daring to bring up the problem.

Unfortunately, if you happen to be brave enough to acknowledge and confront a dysfunctional situation, or open up a dialog about an issue of concern with a dysfunctional family member, you will often be made the scapegoat (a person made to bear the blame for others) . Toxic individuals have convinced themselves that, because you dared to challenge their illusion of “normalcy”, you must be the problem….but, the reality is that they are absolutely terrified! Their false “reality” is being threatened, and they cower at the suggestion of facing a difficult truth. Dysfunctional people regularly delude themselves into thinking “If we don’t acknowledge a problem, it doesn’t exist.”

Dysfunctional individuals, who DON’T want to acknowledge difficult issue(s), may say things like:

“You are trying to tear our family apart”

“Why do you have to be so sensitive about everything? I wish you would toughen up and handle it like a man”

“You always make a big deal out of nothing”

“You are the only one who seems to have issues with our family, so the problem must be you”

“If you didn’t keep bringing unpleasant things up, things would be fine”

“You are delusional”

“You were always a difficult child”

“You are the only one who seems to have problems in our family”

UNDERSTANDING THEIR REACTION:

Toxic individuals will often not face the true reality of their situation, because it means looking at themselves, and that can be scary…because if they acknowledge there is a problem, that means they will have to take action, and action means hard work lies ahead. They are terrified of being labeled a failure. They are frightened of being exposed and rejected. But most of all, they are AFRAID OF FEELING DEEP EMOTIONS. They are so used to feeling numb, THEY EQUATE NUMBNESS WITH CONTENTMENT. Avoidance and ignorance is not  bliss…not at all. A shallow “happiness” that is based on a false reality (an illusion) is just that…a shallow and unfulfilling ILLUSION OF CONTENTMENT. I feel saddened that, while they are in denial, they will never know what real peace feels like, they will never know what true happiness is.

But here is the secret…toxic individuals may fool others, they may even fool themselves, but a part of them knows it is false. They are just not strong enough, not brave enough, not hero enough to face it. And unfortunately, there is only so much one can sweep under a rug, until it overflows, and a wind comes along beyond their control, and blows it all in their face…often, with tragic consequences.

FACING THE TRUTH:

At first, the emotions one feels when overcoming an issue in our lives, can be raw, deep and difficult to cope with. I’m not going to lie, facing the truth can be difficult and emotionally exhausting…it’s often HARD WORK. But, you must go through it to get over it…there are no shortcuts, there just aren’t.

THE REWARDS:

So why face the truth if it’s such challenging work? The sense of relief, and feeling of empowerment, strength, and accomplishment of your hard work, is a high of it’s own! THIS is true bliss, happiness, joy, and inner peace. And whatever comes ahead, you gain the confidence you can handle it in a healthy way. These are the amazing and priceless gifts, that make facing the truth SO worth it!

Whether it is good or bad, the truth will ALWAYS set you free. It is only after really facing reality, and seeing your life for what it honestly is, that you can truly overcome life’s obstacles, and have true inner peace, joy, and a DEEPLY blissful life.

Wisdom to Live By…

Usually, I just write about my own thoughts and feelings about life and personal growth, but a lovely friend shared this with me, and I thought it was worth sharing with you:

Looking Through Fresh Eyes

Have you ever noticed that once you make up your mind about who a person is, it becomes set…..you then only see and pay attention to the evidence that supports your conclusion, and become blind to anything that doesn’t?

It’s unconscious, everybody tends to do this…yes, EVERYBODY, even you, lol, it’s automatic. So how do we STOP doing that?

Well, the important thing is to acknowledge this fault in our automatic thinking, and strive to keep an open mind about each of the people in our lives. Because nobody stays the same forever. No matter who we may be, people are CHANGING and EVOLVING, constantly. So look again at those you know, with FRESH EYES, open eyes, and open your mind…it is only then that you can REALLY see them, for who they are right now…in this moment in time.
~Nicole Johnston